Well it as been a year, 4 months, and too many days without your beautiful face. I miss you more today than I did yesterday. You will never know the pain that is in my heart and how it breaks a little more each day. I miss everything about you and us. I love you so much!!! I have tried everything that anyone has suggested to help me get through the pain but nothing works. NOTHING. I have tried to stay busy, got my hair did, new car, going tanning, taking meds, you name it but the only thing that will ever help me is if I could have you here with me. I will never be the same and I don't expect to. Without you I will never be complete. Alisa, Jordan, and Cayden moved out and it is so quiet here almost like I am so alone. If only I could just talk to you and hear your beautiful voice tell me that you love me... anything. I don't think I will get through this, I just want to disappear, I just want to be your's and Alisa's mommy without that I just don't know how to get through this. I know that Alisa has her own life now and I don't want to bring her down but my heart is in pieces. Sometimes I pretend it never happened, but I know in my heart it did and you're gone. I just don't know what to do.... Please, please know that you were and always will be my life and I have always felt like the reason I was born was to be you and your sister's mother. I love you and miss you sooooo much! Every day gets harder and harder without you here.