Still pretending you have just taken a different path and moved away somewhere... you'll be back at the most unexpected time and say, "Mommy, I'm here and I missed you." That is about the only way I can still get through the day. As long as I can keep my head raised believing that.. I will not stop thinking that way. Some days I try to face reality that you aren't coming home but on those days I can't face the world so for now and maybe forever I will continue to believe you are still alive somewhere just far away. I love you so much baby girl there is no way you will ever know how much. I feel empty and lost without you. I can't seem to see the future anymore. I just live in the present and past. I will never get that back without you. Whatever happens happens! I am numb to most emotions when it comes to anything except for your sister and her precious family. Nothing else seems to matter.... I just can't believe as long as it has been since that horrible day that I am still where I am today. I wish that I could turn back the hands of time and spend just one more day with you. If not a day at least a few hours. I have so much to tell you and wish I could hear your precious voice for real and not just in my dreams and memories. I will not ever be the same person I was and don't want to be without you. I just keep going through the motions of this stupid life. If it wasn't for Alisa, I know I wouldn't be here. I would have no reason to.... My purpose in life was to be the mother of two beautiful daughters! Thankfully I still have Alisa, Jordan, and the most beautiful miracle grandbaby in the world... Cayden Lynn. I have gone on and on so many times thinking that if I write how I feel it will give me some peace for the day but it doesn't work either. So for now.... I keep pretending that horrible day never happened! I LOVE AND MISS YOU SO VERY MUCH THE LOSS COMPLETELY LEAVES ME BREATHLESS!!!