On March 14, 2009, my life as I knew it ended when I lost my first child- my beautiful daughter Brittney Lynn. For me, that was the day the music died! She was my best friend! She was always the first person I wanted to call when anything good happened and the first one I called to vent when things went wrong. She was my confidant, my mini me.... I miss her so much. I will never be the same, a large part of me went with her. I will not apologize for not bouncing right back, I am doing the best I can to get by day by day. My little whirlwind (so correctly described by April Jackson) left too soon and I miss her with everything I am. I wanted her to be happy. To have the things that we all want in life- marriage, kids, career, etc. I will never get to see her grow and have those things. I will never see her past the age of 20. I realize that she is not missing out on anything and I know that she is in God's hands but that doesn't make me miss her any less. I am still asking why. I realize that that may offend some, but I am a mother missing her daughter that was taken in a tragic accident. I have a right to ask why even though I know I will never get the answers. Brittney was one of a kind! So funny, animated, full of life, unpredictable, compasionate, caring, and also stronger than any one I ever met. She was so cute and so funny- once you met her you would never forget her because that is how she wanted it to be. You never asked her opinion unless you wanted it. Be careful what you asked for because she would definately let you know how she felt about something. If you were in the wrong, she was the first one to tell you- all the while keeping that beautiful smile on her face and ending it with, "I'm just saying". Her voice, her beautiful voice. I would always sing to her as a child and I can't remember when she didn't sing to me and everyone else. She had a geat time singing for an audience and putting on a show. In just a few days it will be one year without our Brit. I feel so lost and hollow inside that I can't even believe it has been a year. I think I floated through this year in denial and completely numb. In just a few days we will also be celebrating the birth of Cayden Lynn- my first grandbaby. I know Brittney would love to share this time with us. It breaks my heart that she will not get to hold Alisa's hand and comfort her by telling her everything will be ok. Alisa always looked up to Brit, they were so close. It also breaks my heart that she will not be here to be one of the first to hold baby Cayden. The timing has been so surreal. We can only think that this is some kind of a sign that she is still very much a big part of our lives. To Kathy, Janice, Momma, and all my wonderful friends: I want to thank all my wonderful friends for always being there for me. My sisters and mother have been amazing. No matter how distant I feel from everyone, you are always there. Without even telling you, I know that you understand that my constant mood swings and change of emotions isn't about you. It's like you can look right down to my very soul and know exactly how I feel. I always know that when I am ready to talk, cry, or spill my heart you are ready to lend an ear or shoulder. Brittney's friends have also been amazing to me and Alisa. You all have become a big part of our lives- you are part of my family now. It has meant so much to me getting to know you all and it takes my breath away just knowing how much you guys truly loved my baby girl. I will always be here for you no matter what. All of you guys have been my rocks!! I am not as strong as I let on, I need your support, and I know that I have it. I can't even put into words how much that it has meant to me.