I have tried to think of the perfect words to write on your page today but they don't seem come easy. Nine years ago today at approximately 6:00 p.m., I lost you... At 5:35 p.m., the phone abruptly died while we were talking about your day and how emotional it was for you, while planning your new beginning. "Momma, can I come by tomorrow and borrow some of your shoes for work Monday? I have to wear black shoes." My answer, "Yes, you can borrow mine but how about we go shopping and find you some new ones. You deserve it for your fresh start." You said, "that sounds good." "I will come over tomorrow and we can go to Jackson." And then, I said...."I love you Brittney and I just want you to be happy." The phone died, I no longer heard your voice.....silence......dark silence. I knew something was wrong because you didn't call right back like you normally do. I called, I called, and kept calling but you didn't answer. Finally after calling over and over about 30 minutes, one more time I tried and someone answered. It wasn't you, it was an officer telling me that you had been in an accident and that they were taking you to the Milan Hospital and that I needed to meet you there. I asked, "Is she ok?" ...pause..."Meet us at the hospital ER." that was all I heard. Brad took me to the hospital, but I remembered I didn't have any more cigarettes and wasn't sure how long we would be there. Brad said he would drop me off and go get some for me and would be right back. The ambulance pulled up and behind it was two officers in a Gibson County Sherriff's car. I walked up to the car and the officer stepped out. I told them I was Brittney's mother and wanted to see her to make sure she was ok." I saw the officer's face and I knew he was shook up. He said I am sorry. I felt my whole body go numb, I hit the concrete and cried, NO NO, not my baby. The officer helped me into the ER waiting area and sit down with me to try and comfort me. I could not be consoled, my daughter, my baby girl was gone. I kept thinking I was not really there I felt I was hovering over the waiting area for what seemed like forever just watching and feeling so lost. When I got home, the house was full of people. I started going through pictures to have for the funeral home, I made photo albums to take with me. I think I asked Alisa and Mary Caitlin to go to Rue 21 and get her some new clothes. Clothes she would want to wear, nothing frilly because she would never want to wear a dress or anything fancy. I stayed up most of the night crying, numb, reminiscing, then I wondered.... did you hear me? Did you hear me say, "I only want you to be happy?" I prayed to God that you heard me. I prayed to God to see me through to help me hold up for Alisa. I went through the next few days in a fog. Not knowing how I ever got through the darkest days in my life. I managed to go to the funeral home and make arrangements, I asked Madison to make a CD with music for the funeral and have Alisa and her friends to pick out some songs that were appropriate for her.... I wanted "It was You" played because that was your ringtone. One I heard over and over when Casey called. I managed to bury my baby girl, design and order a beautiful stone for your resting place, take care of getting the police report for insurance, Christy helped me with the insurance claim and was able to get all of it taken care of within a few days. Running on pure emotion. I have no idea how I managed to get it all done. My heart would never heal. My free spirit and love of life vanished before my eyes, it went with you. It has been 9 years and still today, I am not the same fun loving person that I always was.... that "Me" was gone forever. I had to be strong, I had to get through this, Alisa needed me! It's been 9 years since that tragic day, since I heard your voice, since I told you how much I loved you..... 9 years!! It seems so raw like it was yesterday...... How I prayed to God to turn back time, take me instead. It has never gotten any easier, just different. Oh how I miss you every single day. Not one day goes by that I don't think of something you did, you said, silly faces, crazy dances, your random calls because something was on your mind! I love you baby girl and miss you more than you could ever know.